


Afraid to Look Up, and Afraid to Let Go

by Slytherwitch



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Post-Tartarus (Percy Jackson), Post-The Blood of Olympus (Heroes of Olympus), Post-War, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28036941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slytherwitch/pseuds/Slytherwitch
Summary: It's an accidental palovian response. Every time he closes his eyes, adrenaline courses through his veins.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	Afraid to Look Up, and Afraid to Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Epic III from Hadestown (Original Cast)

_**Afraid to Look Up, and Afraid to Let Go** _

Perseus Jackson’s eyes close whenever he’s faced with an outcome he cannot control. When his stepfather used to beat him, when bullies used to taunt him, when he had to fight monsters. If he couldn’t control it, he didn’t want to see it.

Perseus Jackson also does this when facing an impossible decision. When he had to leave his mother in the Underworld, when he had to let Luke die, when he had to choose from letting Annabeth fall to her death or going to Hell with her, his eyes were closed. He couldn’t look at everyone, eyes wide and desperate for him to make a decision.

And now, every night he tries to sleep, those same eyes will shut and the same decisions course through his veins. His brain has associated shutting his eyes with danger, with uncertainty; with a subject he cannot control and that he doesn’t want to. It’s an unfortunate Palovian response.

WIping his eyes, Percy sits up in his room. The blue walls don’t reflect him anymore. He designed this room years ago—when his mother finally killed Gabriel Uglandio and they got to move. His old skating and basketball stuff sits in the corner. Posters of punk rock bands that Thalia introduced to him are scattered across the walls. Old assignments and commitments lay on his dusty desk.

Hera screw up everything—the Gods screw up everything. They’ve changed him into a man plagued by fear from the fearless boy. He’s now haunted by past decisions instead of careless of his choices. They go hand in hand like a knife in a gunfight and it haunts him every time he tries to close his eyes because every night, he relives the same thing over and over and over again. No release, no reprieve.


End file.
